


fakeass spider-man gets owned by a wall

by sad_max



Series: joke fics/not serious [3]
Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Sarcastic Writing, crack fic? is that what the kids call it, miles says fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 07:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17977187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_max/pseuds/sad_max
Summary: miles fucks up while listening to classic redbone and slams into a motherfucking wall





	fakeass spider-man gets owned by a wall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ghostintraining](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostintraining/gifts).



> ive been staying up until past midnight and waking up at 5 am for the past week and im getting close to flunking algebra and i woke up at 2 pm solid today and almost broke my SONY WIRED**** HEADPHONES so im gonna make miles say fuck

miles is gonna do it. He';s Gonna Become SPider-man.

 

he's got it set out in his little babey head. he's gonna jump off a building. no not that building it's too high. no not that one either that's also too high. look to the left—no a little bit more left—tilt your head down. a little more. a little more. yes that one. that building right there. he's gonna jump off it and he's gonna become spider-man.

 

he's Ready. he read all the latest SPider-Man comics. he even read the origin comics. he watched peber parker get murdered by some purple dude he definitely fucked. he stuck to the ceiling one time. he vandalized the s.r.o's office. he tried to flirt with a girl but he was so spider-man that he got his hand stuck in her hair. but that's ok she got a sick haircut out of it. he's spider-man so you don't have to be.

 

miles was Ready. he had his Sony WIRELESS (yes, Wireless) headphones in and they definitely would not smash and break because they fell several feet off of an elevation that you probably should not be on. he was blasting some sick beats by the donald glover himself. he was gonna become spider-man just like donny.

 

nah, spider-man was too vanilla for miles. anyone can be spider-man. who would miles morales be?

 

spider-lad. no that sucks. spider-boy. no he's not little anymore. spidey wit da hoodie. nah he'd get sued. spdr. no no one would know how to pronounce that. spider-miles. that was sick but it's a very lazy way to hide your identity. the cool spider-man. nah he'd get flamed. spider-man 2.0. no. the spidey remix. no. hmmm…….spy-d. yeah that's rad. totally epic. he's spy-d now.

 

maybe it would be a better idea to figure out a name after he jumped off the building. what if he wasn't spider-man and he just died. that'd be a waste of a rad spidey name. nah he'll be fine. he's spy-d now. spy-d legally can't die.

 

miles—no, he's SPY-D now he'll get his name changed after he jumped off the building—was finally on the roof of the building. he was gonna jump. he was gonna do it. he was about to jump before he had a brilliant idea.

 

"i need to play a song for this."

 

he pulled out his phone. currently it was zealots of stockholm (free information). the part where the pretty girl was singing. no now it's the clip from that video. he should play this song when he jumped. oh shit gambino's saying his part now. when was he gonna jump oh shit he's running out of time he's almost done. nevermind it's too late it's over. now redbone's playing

 

ah yes. redbone. the original sunflower on miles' playlist. miles had this weird thing where he'd listen to the same song 23 times a day. currently that song was sunflower post malone but last year it was redbone childish gambino.

 

redbone brought back the good days. he wasn't spy-d. he wasn;t attending a pretentious school for rich kids and babies who won the lottery. he had a cool boyfriend who played football. he wondered what he was doing now.

 

no miles you're getting sidetracked again. stop thinking about your ex boyfriend quarterback. idiot. spy-d's too cool for that.

 

okay what part during redbone was he gonna jump. uhhh stay woke part right. yes

 

miles decided he was just gonna stand there awkwardly until gambino got into it. just another minute.

 

"if u want it, YEAH" miles 'sang,' "u can hfhfdj it. Awh Awh Awhnnggd. if you,,d,,c it OOOH we can adkdkjkds it ALRRIWOOW if youte want it,,,,"

 

its almost time just like 5 more seconds NOW STAY WOEK MILES JUMP NOW

 

see what spy-d was expecting was that he was gonna jump gracefully off the building while mr. glover's smooth vocals played in the background. but he didn't tie his shoes (fashion choice not idiocy) so he tripped over the laces and let out a not so graceful scream while he fell to his death.

 

except he DIDN'T die instead he fell on a flagpole sticking out and unrealistically bounced off it then unrealistically bounced off thosr wire thingies parallel (he had to use his math terms!) to the flagpole and then slammed himself into the motherfucking wall. he screamed again, so loud that you can SEE it and then slammed into and slid down a sign then fell onto a taxi then fell off the taxi and finally to the ground right on his right hip. there was a crack. ow fuck. he should've gotten like 3 different concussions and 80 broken bones from the several impacts he just went through. how the hell did he only let out an "ow fuck."

 

he thot it was pretty badass until he heard some stupid sixth grader wheezing on the other side of the street. he was recording miles with an iphone 5s. this is SO sad.

 

the kid was saying something so he took off his sony headphones that SOMEHOW SURVIVED THE IMPACT OF FALLING 40 FEET OFF OF AN ELEVATION HE SHOULD PROBABLY NOT BE ON to hear what the little shit was saying.

 

"FAKE ASS SPIDER-MAN GETS OWNED BY A WALL LAMAODFODFSJFSJSD" he said. that's probably the cringiest thing miles ever heard from a sixth grader. nah one time a few months ago he saw a sixth grade cracker walking around with a cap on and a hood over it and blasting lil peep and greeting his fellow caucasians with "sup [SOFT N WORD]". THAT was cringy. miles remembered that his ex football boyfriend decked the kid in the fucking face. it's what he deserved.

 

but it was Fine. it was Good. spy-d told the tiny sixth grader to fuck off then he went back to visions academy. god even the name was pretentious. miles wore contacts.

 

"dude u gotta check out this video," his roommate, ganke, told him as soon as he climbed through the window. ganke was the first person to know of his spidey powers. in this timeline spider-man: homecoming didn't rip off of miles morales and ganke lee so into the spider-verse didn't have to cut ganke's and miles' entire arc. thank god for that.

 

miles took off his mask and walked over to the computer. a video was pulled up. it was called fakeass spider-man gets owned by a wall. how did it upload that quickly.

 

"my friend's friend's cousin in sixth grade sent me this. shit's funny man," ganke said. miles watched the video. he was nowhere near as badass as he thought it was.

 

"that's me dipshit." miles said. ganke had to Take A Minute so he could stop laughing. miles stood there with that one deadpan face that you'd give to hobo superheroes bc they don't know how to eat food like a normal person. ganke thot that that was fucking funny as shit too.

 

it's ok. the world just isn't ready for spy-d yet.

**Author's Note:**

> you legally have to kudos and leave a comment or else im coming into your home and murdering you


End file.
